As an educator who is passionate about social and emotional learning, I find that children and adults often misunderstand and misconstrue others intentions due to their lack of empathy. This is not to say that they don’t try to empathize with others. Usually their attempt to empathize fails because they don’t understand the emotion exhibited by another individual.
For example, lets take an eight year old child who lives with his parents. We’ll call him Jas. His parents are both pretty calm individuals who don’t show frustration very often (no, they’re not robots). They have taught Jas how to cope with his emotions and how to calm himself down quickly in situations where he is frustrated. One day on the playground, Jas and his friend Jake are playing with Jake’s ball. While playing, Jake accidentally kicks his own ball onto the street where he can’t retrieve it. Jake becomes very frustrated and upset. He starts yelling and screaming. Jake- like many of us- has not yet mastered how to manage his emotions or how to self regulate. Jake is now frustrated with himself and afraid of his parents reaction to him loosing the ball. Seeing Jake yelling and screaming and muttering swears under his breath scares Jas. It also makes him feel somewhat guilty and that he might be the reason for his friends anger. He may even think his friend hates him. This is because Jas does not understand all the ways various emotions can be expressed (which is obviously very normal for any eight year old). Taking the reaction personally, Jas becomes upset and pulls away from Jake. At the age of eight, this is extremely upsetting for both parties and follows them back to the classroom where they both have really bad afternoons. Jas is very quiet all afternoon and refuses to participate, meanwhile Jake is found lashing out at the teacher and calling another student a name.
When most people think of teaching children self-regulation and how to identify their emotions, they tend to overlook how important it is to show children and students ALL emotions (that you know of). This goes beyond just recognizing what they themselves are feeling, but also what others are feeling. If Jas knew the various ways frustration can be expressed, this entire scenario could have gone very differently. Instead of taking it as a personal attack, Jas may have been able to recognize that Jake was upset with himself and told him that is was okay instead of pulling away. Empathy and recognizing others emotions is definitely a difficult task for many adults, let alone children- but that is why it’s so important to instil these idea’s while they are young. NO, I am NOT suggesting that you start to yell at your students/children in order to show them what frustration can look like. However, I do have a healthy solution to teaching children what various emotions look/sound like. I was taught this game in one of my Bachelor of Education courses, but will present a variation on what I was taught.
This game can be played with 2 people. However, the more people, the better. This will allow children to see different people express the same emotion. If playing with your child, I highly recommend getting all parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and other close family involved. It is important for your child to be able to see how different family members express emotions. It is even more important for you and other family members to be able to recognize what your child is feeling. Therefore, getting family and friends involved allows them that opportunity.
Heres the game: Emotions Charades
Instructions:
1. Take a small soccer ball -if you don’t have one, go to the dollarstore and get one! A soccer ball is important because it is already broken up into sections.
2. Google a list of emotions that is age appropriate for your children/students.
3. Put a different emotion on each pentagon of the ball.
4. Sit in a circle.
5. Have each person take turns tossing the ball and catching it.
6. Whatever word your right thumb lands on is the emotion you have to express.
7. Everyone else then guesses what emotion you are acting out. Repetition of this game is very important- the more often you see the emotion, the more easily you will be able to recognize it in the future.
**There are two ways to play**
A) you can play with just acting and no vocal reaction OR
B) you can play with a vocal reaction as well. I suggest having a simple script that is neutral in feelings ready to read-anything that is about 3-4 lines long.
Example: “I went to the store today and bought some apples. I then took my apples to the cashier. I paid seven dollars for my apples. I came home and ate one.” You then read the script with the emotion you were given.
Remember to debrief after the game. Discuss the various emotions and ask questions. For example: Did anything surprise you? What emotion was the easiest to read? What emotion was the easiest to express? Which emotions made you feel good/bad? Which emotions did you have the most difficulty with? Using emotion language is very important, the more you use it - the more the children will use it. Even though my daughter is only five months old, I already try to use various emotions when speaking to her. For example: “It sounds like you are upset and crying because you are hungry.” OR “I am frustrated because I did not get much sleep last night”. Although she is too young to understand any of this right now, her spongy brain will suck it all up and with repetition, will allow her to have a better grasp on emotions later on in her life.
This game is great because it can be played with anyone. Children as young as 1 years old can show you a smile if you ask them what happy looks like, and a frown when asked what sad looks like. I’ve played this game with my students aged 9-12, and they really enjoy it. It’s an opportunity for them to interact with their peers and act, all while learning something so valuable. So go out there and try it! If you would like to see an example of the soccer ball of emotions I've used, check my latest post on Instagram- @Momneet.
Thanks for stopping by! Please comment or e-mail or DM me Instagram to let me know how to this game works out for you! Don’t forget to add me on Instagram to find out what I’m up to and never miss a blog post!
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