The Difficult Pregnancy

DISCLAIMER: I AM NOT HERE TO RANT ABOUT MY PREGNANCY WITH EXPECTATIONS OF PITY. RATHER, I’M SHARING THIS DIFFICULT EXPERIENCE IN HOPES THAT IT WILL HELP OTHERS OUT THERE REALIZE THAT THEY ARE NOT ALONE AND PREGNANCY ISN’T ALWAYS AS BEAUTIFUL AS MEDIA CAN MAKE IT OUT TO BE. EATING TO MY HEARTS CONTENT. INTENSE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT FOOD CRAVINGS. PHOTOGRAPHED STANDING IN A GORGEOUS WHITE FLOWING GOWN ON THE BEACHES OF GREECE DURING OUR BABYMOON. THESE ARE ALL OF THE THINGS THAT DID NOT HAPPEN DURING MY PREGNANCY- ALTHOUGH I SURE IMAGINED THEY WOULD WHEN MY PREGNANCY TEST READ POSITIVE. MY PREGNANCY BROUGHT ME THE GREATEST GIFT- BUT CARRYING MY PRECIOUS HUMAN THAT I NOW ADORE, S U C K E D.

I’LL START WITH THE GLASS BEING HALF FULL. HERE IS A LIST OF REASONS WHY MY PREGNANCY DIDN’T COMPLETELY SUCK (I TRY TO BE POSITIVE): 1. MY BABY WAS HEALTHY 2. NO RISKS TO MY HEALTH OR MY DAUGHTERS HEALTH 3. I WAS ABLE TO DELIVER NATURALLY WITHOUT AN EPIDURAL 4. I DIDN’T GAIN A WHOLE LOT OF WEIGHT (YAY FOR 9 MONTHS OF FOOD AVERSIONS!) 5. BEAUTIFUL STRONG NAILS NOW LET’S GET TO THE BOTTOM OF IT. THINGS THAT MADE MY PREGNANCY MISERABLE: 1. THE FIRST TRIMESTER OF NAUSEA 2. EXTREME EXHAUSTION/FATIGUE 3. BACK AND RIB PAIN 4. LEAVING WORK EARLY 4. NOT VERY ABLE BODIED 5. FOOD AVERSIONS 6. MOOD SWINGS/DEPRESSION 7. NO BABYMOON:( 8. GESTATIONAL DIABETES WHAT I IMAGINED PREGNANCY TO BE LIKE WAS VERY FAR FROM MY REALITY OF IT. LET ME ELABORATE SOME OF THOSE POINTS. MORNING SICKNESS IS A VERY WELL KNOWN SYMPTOM OF PREGNANCY - EXCEPT IT ISN’T JUST ISOLATED TO MORNINGS. I EXPERIENCED NAUSEA ALL DAY LONG. FURTHERMORE, I WASN’T VOMITING AND FEELING RELIEF, THE NAUSEA WAS JUST A CONSTANT THROUGHOUT MY DAY. I LOST WEIGHT DURING MY FIRST TRIMESTER BECAUSE THE NAUSEA AND FOOD AVERSIONS CAUSED ME TO LIVE OFF SMALL PORTIONS OF SALTINES AND CHEDDAR CHEESE. THANKFULLY MY DOCTOR PRESCRIBED DICLECTIN AROUND 15 WEEKS. IT MADE ME A LITTLE DROWSY- BUT WORKED LIKE MAGIC. I WAS ABLE TO EAT MORE (STILL HAD SOME AVERSIONS), BUT I DID TAKE IT UP UNTIL I GAVE BIRTH. NOW WITH ALL THE HYPE AROUND MORNING SICKNESS, EXTREME FATIGUE IS RARELY MENTIONED/SEEN. HOW OFTEN DO YOU WATCH A MOVIE OR TV SHOW WHERE THEY DEPICT PREGNANCY BY DISPLAYING A WOMAN FALLING ASLEEP EVERYWHERE SHE GOES AND HEADING TO BED AROUND 6PM DAILY? I CAN’T THINK OF ANY! BUT LET ME BE COMPLETELY HONEST, THE EXTREME FATIGUE WAS ONE OF THE MOST DIFFICULT PARTS OF MY PREGNANCY. I CHOSE NOT TO DRINK CAFFEINE DURING MY PREGNANCY (YES I KNOW, YOU ARE ALLOWED SMALL AMOUNTS OF CAFFEINE, HOWEVER I OPTED NOT TO). THEREFORE I SPENT ABOUT 10 WEEKS FEELING LIKE THE LIFE HAD BEEN SUCKED OUT OF ME. TRYING TO KEEP THE PREGNANCY A SECRET FOR THE FIRST TRIMESTER WHILE FEELING LETHARGIC & NAUSEOUS, WAS EXTREMELY DIFFICULT. THEN THE SECOND TRIMESTER ROLLED AROUND, AND MY ENERGY LEVELS BEGAN TO FEEL NORMAL AGAIN. PREGNANCY WAS LOOKING UP…UNTIL ONE DAY I FELT A SHARP PAIN IN THE MIDDLE OF MY BACK TOWARDS THE END OF THE WORK DAY. BY THE END OF THE WEEK, THE SHARP PAIN THAT BEGAN IN THE MY MIDDLE BACK WAS RADIATING TOWARDS MY RIBS, AND IT FELT DEBILITATING. IT FELT AS THOUGH MY RIBS WERE PIERCING THROUGH MY MUSCLES. THE ONLY SOLUTION I HAD FOR THIS PROBLEM WAS TO LAY DOWN FLAT ON MY BACK FOR 20-30 MINUTES. THIS ALLOWED ME TO MOVE AROUND FREELY FOR ABOUT 1-2 HOURS BEFORE I NEEDED TO LAY DOWN AGAIN. I BEGAN SEEING THE CHIROPRACTOR, PHYSIOTHERAPIST AND A MASSAGE THERAPIST REGULARLY. BY WEEK 20 I HAD TO GO ON MEDICAL LEAVE AS I COULD NO LONGER TEACH. MY DAY AT WORK WAS SPENT IN A CHAIR THAT WAS RECLINED ALL THE WAY BACK WHILE ATTEMPTING TO TEACH A GROUP OF 6TH GRADERS. MEANWHILE, I SPENT MY BREAKS IN THE NURSES ROOM LAYING FLAT ON THE BED. THIS WAS A DEVASTATING BLOW FOR ME. SPENDING 5 MONTHS WITH MY SIXTH GRADE CLASS HAD CAUSED ME TO GROW VERY ATTACHED TO THEM, AND I WAS SO VERY EXCITED FOR THE PROJECTS AND FIELD TRIPS I HAD PLANNED FOR THEM. FURTHERMORE, MY CLASS WAS EXCEPTIONAL. THEY WORKED GREAT AS A TEAM, BECAUSE OF THE AMAZING AND EMPATHIC INDIVIDUALS THAT MADE UP THE CLASS. I WAS HEARTBROKEN TO HAVE TO LEAVE THEM. IF I’M HONEST, I’M STILL UPSET THAT I NEVER HAD THE CHANCE TO FINISH THE YEAR WITH THEM AND THAT THEY WERE FORCED TO DEAL WITH MULTIPLE ROTATING SUBSTITUTES FOR MONTHS UNTIL A PERMANENT REPLACEMENT WAS FOUND TOWARDS THE END OF THE YEAR. THIS RIB AND BACK PAIN DID NOT GET BETTER UNTIL I GAVE BIRTH. THIS LEAD TO ME FEELING VERY DEPRESSED AND ANXIOUS AS I WAS FORCED TO LAY IN BED ALL DAY LONG AND DID NOT HAVE MUCH FREEDOM TO DO ANYTHING AS I WOULD QUICKLY BE IN TOO MUCH PAIN. I RECALL ATTENDING A PARTY IN A BANQUET HALL FOR MY BROTHER AND SISTER-IN-LAW ONE EVENING. WE ARRIVED AT 6PM, BY 8PM I WAS LAYING IN A BACK ROOM ON A ROW OF CHAIRS. BY 9PM, I HAD TO LEAVE AND END THE NIGHT. THIS WAS A REOCCURRING THEME FOR THE REST OF THE PREGNANCY. I COULD NOT SHOP, SET UP MY NURSERY, GO ON A BABYMOON, OR PACK/UNPACK WHEN WE MOVED INTO OUR NEW HOME. NOT HAVING THE ABILITY TO GO ANYWHERE OR DO ANYTHING FOR YOURSELF LEAVES YOU IN A COMPLETE STATE OF HELPLESSNESS AND ISOLATION. IT WAS VERY STRESSFUL AS I WOULD ALSO GET UPSET THAT MY DEPRESSION AND LACK OF PHYSICAL MOVEMENT COULD BE HARMING MY UNBORN CHILD AS WELL. IF YOU KNOW A MOTHER ON BEDREST (OR ANYONE WHO IS NOT ABLE BODIED), GO SPEND SOME TIME WITH THEM. THE DIFFERENCE YOU MAKE TO THEIR DAY BY PROVIDING COMPANY COULD BE HUGE! AH, THE ICING ON THE CAKE…THAT I DIDN’T GET TO EAT WAS BROUGHT TO YOU BY GESTATIONAL DIABETES! IF THE FOOD AVERSIONS AND THE FACT THAT PHYSICAL MOVEMENT CAUSED ME SUCH A GREAT PAIN WEREN’T BAD ENOUGH, I WAS NOW FORCED TO COUNT MY CARBS AND EXERCISE! PACING BACK AND FORTH IN MY BEDROOM FOR 10 MINUTES AT A TIME WAS MY FORM OF EXERCISE FOR MONTHS. THANKFULLY, I WAS ABLE TO CONTROL MY BLOOD SUGAR LEVELS THROUGH DIET AND EXERCISE. LASTLY, MY FATIGUE WAS AT AN ALL TIME HIGH AFTER 32 WEEKS. I WAS CONSTANTLY EXHAUSTED. I WOULD HAVE TO REST AFTER SIMPLE TASKS SUCH AS COMING DOWN THE STAIRS IN THE MORNING. IT WAS SO BAD THAT MY HUSBAND PLACED FOLDING CHAIRS THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE- INCLUDING THE SHOWER. YES THAT’S RIGHT, I COULD NOT STAND IN THE SHOWER FOR 10 MINUTES. I USED THE FOLDING CHAIR IN THE SHOWER DAILY AFTER WEEK 38- AND MY PREGNANCY LASTED ALMOST 41 WEEKS! IF YOU ARE SOMEONE WHO IS PREGNANT AND STRUGGLING- JUST REMEMBER THAT YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND YOU ARE ALLOWED TO WALLOW IN YOUR MISERY. IF YOU ARE THAT PERSON, YOU WILL SURVIVE. YOU WILL FEEL LIKE YOURSELF AGAIN- A DIFFERENT VERSION OF YOURSELF PERHAPS- BUT YOURSELF, NONE THE LESS. THE PREGNANCY WILL NOT LAST FOREVER AND IT WILL COME TO AN END. SO REST WHEN YOU CAN, INVITE FRIENDS/FAMILY OVER, READ SOME BOOKS, WATCH SOME MOVIES, AND TRY TO ENJOY THE CALM BEFORE BABY (IF IT’S YOUR FIRST)! I CONSTANTLY FELT CONFLICTED. SOME MOMENTS I WAS GRATEFUL, WHILE IN OTHERS I FELT SAD AND ANGRY. I WAS SO BLESSED TO BE CARRYING A HEALTHY CHILD, YET I WAS SO MISERABLE AND WISHED I WAS NOT PREGNANT SO OFTEN AND THAT I COULD JUST FEEL NORMAL AGAIN- WHICH MADE ME FEEL AWFUL. I WAS NOT ABLE TO ENJOY THE PREGNANCY AS I SPENT EVERYDAY WISHING IT WOULD HURRY THROUGH. BE KIND AND GENTLE TO YOURSELF- YOU ARE CARRYING AND GROWING PRECIOUS CARGO. IT IS A HARD JOB, DON’T FORGET TO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT! I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR OTHER PEOPLE’S EXPERIENCES AS WELL (GOOD AND BAD), SO PLEASE COMMENT! DON’T FORGET TO FOLLOW ME ON INSTAGRAM @MOMNEET, TO KEEP UP WITH MY LATEST POSTS AND THINGS I AM DOING. THANKS FOR STOPPING BY:)